so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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