So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This is my gift to your gina
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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