4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
