two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
they need to just BURY HIM!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
