party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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