where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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