The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
