I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
