This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
