You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
