So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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