Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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