we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
