Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
