Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
