My hair reeks of homosexuality.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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