i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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