I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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