When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I need to sanitize my soul.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
