I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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