Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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