there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
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I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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