when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize