Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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