you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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