I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
