the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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