in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
