I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He felt like a one man threesome
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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