I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well I just put wine in my tea
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
