Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
