can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
