She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
