I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
