my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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