I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i've created a new STD.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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