I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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