it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
