R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
