I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
