How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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