The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
