I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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