Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
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I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
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I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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