he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
