Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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