had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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