One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Randomize
