so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize