I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
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Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
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I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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