at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Randomize
