We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
