talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
