remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
