I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Randomize
