Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
