Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
