i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
