Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
