I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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