Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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