I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
