Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
