you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
