u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
