I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
