Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
