you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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