pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
