just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
