Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
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