I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
