My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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