So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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